Self Reflection

"Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart. Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes." Carl Jung

The dott signifies the end, but thank you for starting new journeys with me.

I know it’s February, but better late than never, so happy new year, my lovelies. To my new subscribers, “Thank you,” and to the people that keep on reading my posts without subscribing, liking, or even commenting, I’ll find you, and when I do, I’ll fight you.

The year is 2025, and I know it’s just February. I like to pat myself on the back and remind myself that I really am doing well, but at the same time, can we hold each other’s hands and complain about how exhausting adulthood is?? When I was a child, I used to be in a rush to grow up, and now that I’m an adult by force, the one thing I want more than anything is to be a child again; it’s exhausting.

Looks and acts

Between you and me, I know that I’m pretty, but one thing I really struggle with is “looking and acting” my age. I am 5'7, and honestly, I want to believe that everybody considers that average height. So please tell me why every time I meet people, they always believe that I am younger than I look. I understand that this may be a good thing to a lot of people, but I have been in situations where people try to play in my face because they believe that I am smaller than I look. Honestly, it often feels like people my age are supposed to look and act a particular way, and because I do not look/act that way, I get shoved to the side. I know a lot of people would say that I am just imagining things, but the people that know know that it often feels like growing up requires a certain kind of behavior and dress sense, and sometimes I honestly lack it.

Money, Money and Money

I grew up hearing “Money is the root of all evil,” so imagine my shock as an adult when I realize that I need to have that “root of evil” to survive in this adult world. Everyday I try to think of new ways to make money. Many times I would go online and I would see people suggesting starting a business, but do we not know that it is not everybody that would actually do business; some people would rather work in the office. What works for one person would most likely not work for everybody. Making money is the first stage. Now let us talk about saving. I need you all to plug me into your savings plans. How do you guys do it? How does it work for you? What are we investing in? What is the way forward?

Career

When I was in junior high, I wanted to be a lawyer; it was literally the only career that sounded worthy while I was growing up, and I really looked forward to it. Somewhere along the line, I changed my mind and I wanted to be a journalist, but that did not happen. When I come online and see people working proper jobs and knowing what they are doing there, it makes me happy and gives me something to look forward to; it gives me hope. I am older than I was last year, and I won’t even lie, I sometimes do not know what career path I want to stay on. Somedays I am a braider, and while I know that I would not do that full-time, a part of me likes it, but it is not something I would do full-time. How are we deciding on career paths? Or are we doing whatever life brings?

Friendship

One thing I regret a lot is not making more friends in university; it hurts me and it annoys me a lot because making friends as a full-grown woman is honestly one of the hardest things to do. It often comes with lot of heartbreak, sometime in january, this lady texted me and said she wanted to be my friend and while I did not mind, I really am bad with texts a lot of times so I mostly keep to myself so I wasnt really responding but she was double texting and all that so I became consistent as well, we became close and she invited me out a couple of times but I declined till I finally agreed one time, anyways we were supposed to do eachother’s makeup and take pictures, 3 days before we planned to meet up, she stopped replying texts and I genuinely though something happenend to her, I called her and she was not picking till I called her with someone’s number and she picked up, it was so funny because how do you text someone and ask them to be your friend and then next thing you are ghosting them?

If you’re still here, I want to believe that you plan on subscribing, and this post pretty much convinced you to.

Honestly, I do not know how to end this particular blog post, but if you are still reading and you can relate to any of these things that I have mentioned, please know that you are not alone.