Some of Y’all Have Never Been Single and It Shows

“If you’re never single, when do you meet yourself?”

The Dott signifies the end, but thank you for always starting new journeys with me.

I’m writing this blog post with Standing 9 by Alesh Jnr blasting through my speakers. It’s my favorite song at the moment and before you judge me, I just need you to understand — life is way too boring to be listening to serious, deep, spiritual heartbreak songs all the time. Sometimes you need to hear a Yoruba man scream passionately over log drums.

Anyway, this post might feel like a sub to a lot of my friends — and some of you may or may not be guilty — but I love you either way, and that’s what matters. Love and light in advance.

Let’s talk about my beloved friend. We’ll call her Temi. Temi is the absolute love of my life. I love Temi, and Temi loves me — but one thing Temi also loves? Love. Real, pure, over-the-top, all-consuming love. Which would be cute if it didn’t mean that I have to learn a new man’s name every single Eke market day. And if you know me, you know I’m really bad with names.

And I know what you're thinking — what’s the big deal? But let me tell you: remembering your friends' partners' names is part of the friendship contract.

I’ve asked Temi before — “How is it so easy for you to fall in love all the time?” Her answer? “I’ll heal in heaven.”

But I won’t lie — I’m not one to judge. Actually, scratch that. I do judge, but with context. It’s my favorite toxic trait. I don’t just judge and go; I analyze, evaluate, and try to understand the psychology behind it. I want to understand why you are the way you are. Temi is not the only one, by the way. I have a few other friends who fall in love like it's a weekly subscription — and often, I find myself wondering: is this real love or just a band-aid over adult loneliness? Are we falling in love or just distracting ourselves from the quiet chaos that is our mental health?

One of the main reasons I’m so anti-falling-in-love-every-market-day is because — and I mean this from my heart — we leave little pieces of ourselves in the people we get involved with. And as someone who talks too much, one of my biggest fears is oversharing. Like what if I tell you about my childhood trauma, my toxic ex, and the time I failed math in SS2 — and then we break up and you just have all my gist?

Let’s not forget the identity shifts. With every relationship comes a new “you.” One minute you’re an introvert, next thing you know you’re hiking in the Lake District because Femi loves nature. If you’re constantly adjusting yourself in every relationship, when will you even know who you are?

Now let’s talk about the baggage.

A lot of you are carrying premium, overweight, no-carry-on-allowed type emotional baggage. And because you’ve refused to sit with yourself and actually heal, you end up traumatizing the next person. This is why the dating pool now has more trauma than peace. Please, I’m begging you — heal. Heal before you scatter my future husband's head. I don’t want wahala. I’m warning you people now o.

And look, I understand — the pressure is real. You can’t walk down the street without seeing couples doing “he's holding my bag while I shop” aesthetics. You go online and it’s back-to-back couple TikToks, matching pajamas, “Get Ready With Me To See My Boyfriend” content. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to find matching socks and inner peace. The last time I had peace of mind as a single girl was when I had no data plan.

But even with all this pressure, I don’t think it’s fair to your own mind to enter a relationship just because everyone else seems to be in one. Forcing yourself to be with someone just so you’re not the only single person on the group chat is like drinking garri with no sugar just because others are eating — it’s self-inflicted sufferness.

I’ve always believed that love should add to your peace, not replace your sense of self. So please, ask yourself: do I actually like this person, or am I just trying not to be alone? Is this connection or convenience? Are you in love, or just passing time?

Because as much as adulting is chaotic and lonely, it’s not fair to be with someone just because you’re scared to sit with yourself. People are not distractions. They are human beings with hearts, and feelings, and Spotify playlists that will remind them of you after the breakup. Don’t be wicked.

So, to all my sweethearts falling in love every market day — I see you. I get it. Life is hard, and love is soft. But before you fall head over heels again, ask yourself if you’ve even healed from the last fall. Don’t keep cracking your heart like iPhone screens.

And if you're like me — standing outside the love stadium, eating popcorn and analyzing everybody — remember that love isn’t bad. But loving from a place of wholeness hits different.

May we all heal, may we stop falling for vibes and potential and may we not meet someone who just wants to waste our time.

Till next time —
The Dott.

PS All of you keep reading my blog without liking or commenting, please stop doing that, its breaking my heart.